suffocating

i feel like im suffocating.

despite efforts to be more hardworking, i start to realise that it doesn't work without working smart.

this fact suddenly dawned upon me as even though my classmate started her assignment super late, she worked super hard on it, often giving up her precious sleep but she was successful in figuring out the answers, getting full marks for her assignment. I guess she deserved it, for knowing the definitions well and writing them all out.

But i can't stop but wonder why cant i do the same? am i willing to spend sleepless nights slogging through an assignment question? even if i do, i reckon i'll just be STARING and not thinking. i reckon that the same piece of info would just be cycling around in my brain.

Definition meanings don't fit in my mind. Ways to figure out a question run away when i spot the different words forming the exam paper. what am i doing?!

i feel so frustrated that i tell people i'm bored. i don't know how to articulate my words out. people cant help me.