Relationships [ more ideas than ideals ]

Observing as many around me start the dating cycle.

Played around with this idea before. When people ask if I have ever liked a guy before, I can't really get them a proper answer, which then prompts them to question further, sure that there is a guy out there that I currently like.

However, that might be true or false because of the way I view such relationships.

Firstly, I can't stand the idea of a 1-sided love relation where the one chasing the other always seem so pathetically desperate [must have watched too much animes to come to this conclusion] Perhaps this would lead to my problem of not admitting the fact that I might have ever wanted to go into a relationship with a guy.

Secondly, the idea of having an 'eye candy' as most people put it is appealing, but I don't like the thought of liking someone from their looks [maybe it's cause I don't think any guy would find my looks that appealing =-p] instead of their character. Superficiality versus depth of character of which I lack either way.

Thirdly, the idea of flirting. I wonder if I'm considered guilty of such acts in the past. I guess watching too many shows tended to leave me with a negative connotation attached to it. Because of what I feel in point 1, I might have unconsciously (or maybe consciously, who knows) flirted with guys to 'test' grounds. Haha. No response. Or I had no idea.

Am I trying to justify myself? Haha, sure sounds like it. Wonder why this suddenly pop into my head.. I have always been self-conscious regarding such things. I think I watch too many shows in the past, always watching all the 3rd parties break up couples because she (usually girls, don't know why also) tended to 'not careful' (in my opinion, set boundaries) in her relationship with the guy.. Since primary/secondary school, have always been trying to be 'careful' .. Didn't really know how to react when girl-friends got boyfriends. Always felt as though they would need their own space and thus just end up drifting away instead. =x

My life has always been about drifting away .. rar.